Sheren Tang Interview (2004)
The following is a transcript of a 2004 interview with actress Sheren Tang. The interview was conducted for the GNCI-produced eight-part television program Purpose Driven Life - To Our Next Generation. The transcript is largely based on the program’s English subtitles, but I’ve made some edits to improve accuracy.
INTERVIEWER
(To viewer.)
Welcome to our eight-part series Purpose Driven Life - To Our Next Generation. We hope to convey two messages. First, for the youth, you are truly valued. Second, for adults, be more responsible for them and build them up through more support.
Sheren was separated from her divorced parents and was raised by her grandparents as a child. She then subconsciously looked for true love.
Sheren Tang is a person with determination and has high expectations of herself. Whenever she sets her mind towards a goal she will put her heart and soul into it, whether it is her career, her love life, or the search for her true self.
(To Sheren.)
SHEREN
From my memory, I am unsure of how long - I remember it was for a short while. But it was a very brief period.
INTERVIEWER
SHEREN
They were too young and didn’t know how to take care of me. Supposedly, after I was born, they almost killed me from neglect!
(Giggles.)
I had such terrible diarrhea once that my grandmother was worried and took me in. Then my parents divorced and we parted.
INTERVIEWER
Could you first talk about what it was like being raised by your grandparents?
SHEREN
I think there were both good and bad aspects. The bad part was the huge age difference - a generation gap. The gap was so great we couldn’t communicate and they were so traditional. They didn’t talk much and were very strict. Overall, my grandfather was stern like an army general and so gruff. They just rebuked me and wouldn’t allow me to talk back. I had to do loads of chores around the house. Maybe to them they were showing love, but it was so incredibly painful for me. Since I lost that period of my youth, it was like completely losing my childhood.
In those days, my family seemed bizarre, so I was labeled as a problem child in school. When I needed my parents’ signatures, the teacher singled me out before everyone and asked why the signatory wasn’t a parent. My face would turn so red that I wanted to hide. When children feel that they’re an oddity, they feel horribly embarrased and shameful.
I remember a really funny memory. I remember one night, just before a storm, many flying bugs came out and there were so many cockroaches. I am afraid of flying roaches, and there were so many of them then, so I picked up the phone and called my Dad and said, “Help! I am so scared! I think roaches are here to attack me! Can I go to your house and stay with you, Dad?” He said, “No.” By that time, Dad had his own house. And I heard a baby crying in the background. My father said, “You have a new sister.” He had remarried and had my younger sister.
I remember I was so miserable that time. It was just a ridiculous thing like roaches, but I felt I had no other refuge. And that, to a child, is incredibly devastating.
INTERVIEWER
How did you cope with your adolescence? Your parents were still estranged from you.
SHEREN
Well, I didn’t open up to others then. I’d already gotten used to that as a child. Whatever I felt, I faced it alone. There were no family members I could talk to. So since childhood, I dreamt on my own, but I always kept them inside of me.
I remember crying as a child. I felt so pathetic and miserable, but I would wait till everyone was asleep before I dared to cry under the bed covers. Probably because of this habit I built up, as I went into secondary school, I was introverted, always hiding the real me. Actually, I joined a lot of activities at school, so it seemed like I was outgoing and an extrovert, but the real me was a hermit.
INTERVIEWER
When you joined the entertainment business, did your childhood affect you? Did you wish to find your goal and your escape route in this business where you can focus all your energy? Did you ever think that way?
SHEREN
I became an actress for one reason only and that was to leave home. I realized later that I was so naive. To go from a place I didn’t want to stay to a completely new environment, only to realize it was even more insecure!
I was relatively sheltered in the past, with just school and family, but as I braved this new environment alone, I thought that as long as I was strong or smart or tough, I could survive on my own. But it was all too new, too unfamiliar.
To me, even men were a novelty because I grew up in an all-girls school. Coming into contact with men was strange and more so with those I worked with. Everything was incredibly foreign. I had to learn everything from scratch.
INTERVIEWER
Which approach did you take?
SHEREN
I started dating as soon as I got into the Acting Academy. I was actually searching for something that I really desired as a child. As soon as I left home, I searched non-stop, giving my all to find freedom, to find self-autonomy, to find love, to find someone’s affection, to find security in career or in a person.
When I dove into this new environment, at first I didn’t know that I was so green and wouldn’t succeed. I just played by the rules of the game. I’d act in roles they wanted me to act in. I’d go without sleep if they asked me to, work non-stop if they wanted me to work…
INTERVIEWER
…and meet whoever they wanted you to meet.
SHEREN
Right. Whatever the network told me to do, I did. I stayed that way regardless of right or wrong, whether I liked it or not, was happy or not. I never had a clue during those years.
INTERVIEWER
Did you realize what you were looking for and that you didn’t want to work that way when you left Hong Kong for the US?
SHEREN
Yes, I understood more then. I was rather innocent when I started acting. I slowly fell in love with acting. I actually didn’t like those other things outside of acting. I felt that doing anything else was grueling and those were not my values either. When I started to understand myself more, then I learned that acting was the only career that suits me.
But I think that everyone has many talents. Besides movies, I think I can do a lot more. Acting is actually rather passive because you have to wait for opportunity, for a good script, for a good role. It’s all very passive and I don’t like being passive in all aspects. I think I can be more proactive with my future. I don’t want to be a shallow person. I wish to build myself up and to take the initiative to learn more.
INTERVIEWER
(To viewer.)
Since I’ve known Sheren, I’ve always felt that she was trying to find her real self. She was once lost because of her past and tried to fill it up with romance. Today, she is focused on self-discovery. I believe there are a lot of young people, both today and in the future, facing the same problem of being lost and striving to find out who they really are. Some might find it through sheer determination. Some might be overwhelmed in the process. Let’s take a look at what some youths say…
[Break. Youth talking of their home lives.]
INTERVIEWER
Welcome back to our program. Our interview with Sheren Tang continues.
(To Sheren.)
I know you love to party and go to discos. When you’re having fun, you go wild.
(Laughs.)
But is it like what you said: because you had an unhappy childhood, so this was a means of escape?
SHEREN
I think it was a type of rebellion. Perhaps since my grandparents were so strict, I could never go out late. Suddenly, it was my decision to make. I was going to stay out as late as I pleased!
INTERVIEWER
SHEREN
INTERVIEWER
I remember you mentioned it once. How much did you spend on a trip to Japan?
SHEREN
Over two hundred thousand [Hong Kong] dollars.
INTERVIEWER
On one holiday? For how many days?
SHEREN
A little over ten days. But I didn’t like what I bought! Never wore those clothes.
(Laughs bitterly.)
INTERVIEWER
When a person is drifting or unhappy, this is a superficial way of dealing with it, like partying or shopping. But it has a deeper influence, like dating. Or not knowing what you really want. You focus all your attention on one person, thinking this is real love.
SHEREN
I was addicted to dating. I love to fall in love. In over a decade of vicious dating, I didn’t know what my problem was. I knew that this wasn’t really love. Love should be eternal, long-lasting. I believe in marriage. I understand what it’s about. Both must understand love before committing. Marriage can be beautiful, can last a lifetime. I knew those relationships weren’t like that.
INTERVIEWER
Does your past affect your view on marriage?
SHEREN
Yes. I realized it. I came from a background which lacked love, a childhood without love. I wanted to dive into an environment of love, so I chose dating…
INTERVIEWER
But that was the wrong method.
SHEREN
Right. I thought romance could give familial love because I couldn’t have new parents. So I looked for that love in romance. But that’s not what romance is about.
INTERVIEWER
Can you tell us more? In the past, I’ve watched you change and continually grow and mature…
SHEREN
(Laughing.)
Really?
INTERVIEWER
What did you do to grow? How did you help yourself to mature?
SHEREN
I think it’s self-understanding. People think they know themselves. Actually, they don’t. I’ve had that experience, too. But self-acceptance is so important. We might be incredibly unlovable. We might date a lot of people, but still have many unlovable qualities. We shouldn’t just see others’ weaknesses. We ourselves have so many weaknesses. You’ll need to understand yourself first and be willing to change.
INTERVIEWER
In these past years, how did you experience God’s guidance?
SHEREN
It’s really strange. When I wanted to work on my love life, that’s when I went back to church and also rejoined the Home of Artistes. When I rejoined Home of Artistes, a friend brought me to one of their retreats. The theme was “Love and Know Yourself.” It was like slaps in the face, waking me up - the revelation of what real, true love is. I was so captivated. It was like finding the secret to a mystery. “Wow! This is what it’s really about! No wonder I failed so many times.” I was going down a completely wrong path, getting totally lost and going nowhere.
INTERVIEWER
Does your love life make you suffer the most and not your career? Is romance the most painful for you?
SHEREN
My dating life isn’t my greatest pain. It’s…
INTERVIEWER
But you needed love so badly. Do you think that if you weren’t given love in the past, something can make up for it? Or are you trapped by living in the past, which is a void that’s lost forever?
SHEREN
(Becoming emotional.)
Um, I think it can be made up for. How we grew up, what our family gave us… Oh no, I’m going to cry…
(Pausing to compose herself.)
What our family gave us, we can’t change. But we can, um… I think we can…
(Pause. Interviewer leans over and pats Sheren on the knee.)
(Weeping.)
I think we can change the current path, aim for a better one… Oh, what should I do?
(Dabbing eyes with tissue.)
If you never forgive yourself for having an unhappy childhood or not having an ideal family, you’ll never find joy in life. I can say that I’ve gotten past this now, so now I can try my hardest to change the future, which belongs to me. And I want to let other people know, I know many of them are going through this, especially young kids who haven’t learned how to help themselves. They get hurt very easily and become lost, and feel that this is how their life will be forever. Their self-esteem can only be that low.
But I don’t think this is definite. I believe my faith has guided me through to accept and forgive my past and my family, who never intended for all this to happen. If we keep these burdens inside ourselves and let them weigh us down, then we’ll always be carrying it and it’s not worth it. This is a burden you can definitely unload. As long as you forgive them for their wrongs, forgive yourself for your unlovable aspects, you can give yourself a new start.
INTERVIEWER
Is this what God has given you? To be able to forgive and accept yourself? Is that strength originated from God?
SHEREN
God has actually given me so much strength. There was no one to talk to when I was young, but actually God was always in my heart, like an angel watching over me all along. When I was helpless and never got my way and didn’t have what children ought to have, I felt God comforting me: “It’s okay, you can be independent. You can do it.” I felt this strength from Him since childhood, so I didn’t go astray and become “bad.”
When I joined the entertainment business, I didn’t go to church for a long time. I was actually very far from God. But when I was vulnerable, wanted to go astray, wanted to follow others to make more money, God reminded me again: “This is not you. This won’t suit you. This won’t make you happy.” That really kept me from going astray, as if He held me as I was about to fall.
The Wong: Is Sheren making an oblique reference to the practice among some HK starlets of dating rich tycoons/sugar daddies, some of whom are nominally married?
When I returned to church in 1998, I became much better. He gave me a completely new self, told me: “It’s okay. You’ve done wrong in the past since you didn’t know better. Now you know. Don’t you look down on yourself because of your past or think that you don’t deserve a better future.” That time, God gave me a brand new start. I felt I could live a new life. My past deeds are not important anymore.
I hope that more people will know that everyone makes mistakes, gets lost at times. As long as you realized that it was wrong and know what is best for yourself, you can have an incredibly wonderful life.
INTERVIEWER
Thank you, Sheren.
SHEREN
You’re welcome.
INTERVIEWER
(To viewer.)
We want to bless our next generation. I hope that more people can work on it. As Sheren said, forgive your past, accept what’s happened, accept those in your life who have hurt you.
SHEREN
Never, ever give up on yourself.
INTERVIEWER
Know an all-powerful God is there, who is always watching over everything. God knows all the pain you suffered and is walking beside you through it all.
[Clip of Sheren’s confession of faith before her baptism on April 10, 2004]
SHEREN
I am really willing!
[Congregation cheers as she gets dunked.]
INTERVIEWER
(Voiceover.)
Sheren Tang loves little children. She wants to take up her mission to help them more since she knows children need lots of love.
From being lost, to understanding, to forgiving, to realizing what true love and loving others is all about - that may take a long, long time and it may come at a great cost. What’s most crucial is to have a willing heart. Those who seek shall find. This is the promise which God has given us!