Had lunch with Miss Chang today. Three very interesting developments:
1. Mr. Nice Guy, her colleague/”best friend”/chauffeur, made his move two or three days ago and went all-in. Apparently, either his girlfriend disappeared, he got rid of her, or she never existed, and then he made a play for Miss Chang’s affections. You, me, and Ray Charles’s corpse could see this coming. Is a guy ever that nice to a girl, who he only sees as a friend? Of course not. He hung around her and treated her nicely in the hopes that one day her eyes would be opened to the fact that The One and Only Love of Her Life was always right under her nose. Unfortunately for Mr. Nice Guy, she rejected him like Yao Ming before his feet imploded. And now apparently, their friendship is over, he’s angry and bitter, and they pretty much don’t talk anymore.
Awesome.
Now if I were him, I’d be persistent like all get-out, come back at her like Jason Voorhees, and try to wear her down. But since I’m The Wong, and he’s my competition, I want to head him off at the pass, cut him down at the knees, pump several bullets into his brain, and burn the body beyond recognition, so that he ain’t never, ever—and I mean ever—comin’ back.
Slight complication, though: in three days, I’m heading to Hong Kong for a week and half vacay, so who knows what’s going to transpire. What’s Mr. Nice Guy’s next move going to be? And how can I preemptively counter-act that right now? I’m thinking about giving him some of the paleface’s firewater as well as some smallpox-infected blankets to incapacitate him, but I’m open to other suggestions.
2. Shameless Flirting. So at lunch today, I asked Miss Chang if there was anything she wanted from Hong Kong that I could bring back for her. Her answer: a diamond ring(!). And then she said she was just joking. Mmrmph.
I also offered to accompany her on a visit to Hong Kong, if her plans to study abroad fell through; of course, we would have to get separate hotel rooms. She objected, saying that that would be too expensive and that we could just share a room(!). And then she said that she was just joking. Again. Ergh.
That Miss Chang, she’s a funny one… And that wasn’t even the shameless flirting part. That’s what I was doing. For example…
3. I presented her with a bilingual edition of The Book as an end-of-semester gift. Smooth, right? She seemed interested, but who really knows? But, man, if she turned on that and joined The Family, then it would be on—I mean, so on. You thought today’s flirting was shameless? You ain’t seen nothin’ until The Wong turns the charm knob up to 11.